Just wondering....

If you stop by and see anything on this blog do you even read it? What brought you here? Were you Googleing for something else and happened upon my page? Well all I would simply ask is that if you happen upon my page and whether you read anything or not a comment would be nice as to how you happen to have gotten here.

If your a regular visitor??? Which to be honest I don't think I have unless they have found someway of covering there tracks. A comment now and then would be nice. It would at least show me that there are other people out there like me who are interested in the same things I am or like to hear about my misadventures.

Thanks

Death....

I think the title says a lot in itself. I recently lost a family member who was not part of my immediate family but still close enough. Her passing has not affected me emotionally and I am not sure it should have. She was my grandmother's sister and my grandmother passed away a few months ago. So death is not new to me, especially since I lost my Dad over 10 years ago. I'd be lying if I said that didn't effect me emotionally, in fact it changed my whole life and looking back on that time now it forced me to make some decisions with my life.

Now I am forced to make another tough decision and it's not as critical as death but it will almost believed as life changing and dramatic. I have to decide whether or not to stay married. Let make it perfectly clear that I love my wife and I married her because I love her. But recently things have been more difficult in our relationship then I believe they should be. I have tried to work then out with her but you can't make someone care about you as much as you care about them.

I've asked her why she married me and on more than one occasion she has said "because I was bored. " She has tried to explain it, to make it sound better then it does but the fact is she said she was bored. So I examine our relationship everyday trying to see if it is changing and I think it is. I just don't think she is as interested in me as I am in her or that she cares as much for me as I care for her.

I also have to be honest and say that I have also met women recently while at a coffee shop or grabbing a bite to eat while studying who have been more interested in me in those few minutes then my wife has been in weeks. And let it be said that this girls IMHO were gorgeous, just absolutely beautiful. And I am not saying that from a sexual perspective I am honestly saying it from a intelligence and form factor. They were not only physically stimulating but intellectually stimulating too. And maybe it was the "oh I am married" factor so I felt I had less to lose by putting myself out there or if they did not perceive me as a threat because I'm married. But I felt I could have asked them out to dinner and got a number and at least a date or two at the very least, before they saw the real me! :-P

The point is this all plays in to my thoughts on being married and if I should be married to this individual? Are there signs for me to decrypt here or am I seeing more then I would if I was in a better relationship?

Something to ponder...

Tattoos Barcodes and QR Codes.... oh my!

So I already have one tattoo and it is of a traditional AA symbol the circle and the triangle with a AA in the middle. The triangle is in the circle for those of you not familiar with it and spanning off of both sides are wings, as in the freedom that AA has shown me I can have if I stay sober each day. The best explanation of the circle and triangle I could find says this:

The Sobriety Circle & Triangle Symbol, is the symbol used by Alcoholics Anonymous. The equilateral triangle represents the three part answer - unity, recovery and service - to a three part disease - physical, mental and spiritual, while the circle represents wholeness or oneness.

The body should be triangular, stable, the mind circular, open. The triangle represents the means for generation of good energy, and is the most stable physical posture.

The circle symbolizes serenity and perfection, and the source of unlimited potential. Together they represent the perfect union of mind and body.

http://www.barefootsworld.net/aa-ctsymbol.html

Then underneath it I have a saying that I need to live by that is "Live and Let Live." And no for those of you who have actually seen it, I did not get that from The Postman starring Kevin Costner. I got it from AA where I found it says "Live and let live" reminds us that patience and tolerance of others is our code. But basically if you know anything about AA I think it basically means keeping my side of the street clean. I also found where someone wrote this regarding the saying,
"Judge not lest ye be judged. Do not look to criticize faults of others, always look for the good. God says Vengeance is mine - our role is to love one another." Any way I look at it I know I have to live my life the way I need to live it to stay sober and that acceptance is the key here. I cannot change anyone from who they are or for what they choose to do. I can think to myself why is this bothering me and how can I change myself!

Basically this tattoo has a lot of meaning for me and I always told myself if I got a tattoo it would have to have significance in my life. So in that I only have one tattoo so far and not because I cannot find anything of significance to get a tattoo about but that my wife has a disliking for them and she said if I ever got another one, well it was over. Well I want another one and let’s face it folks things are no smelling like roses on my side of the street right now.

So I am interested in a code tattoo, specifically a bar code or a QR code tattoo and I want to know if anyone has one? Also is it scannable? How long have you had one? Has it become harder to scan over time if it was even scannable in the first place? What information do you have stored in it if anything? Or does it just spit out nonsense?

I am in IT so I think QR codes or bar codes or any codes for that matter are becoming more and more prevalent in our lives. So if you have any answers to my questions by all means leave me a comment or point me in the right direction for some good answers.

Thanks

Later... I am off for pancakes! :)

Attention Deficit Disorder and mildly hyper active!

Attention Deficit Disorder... I haz it! I write this post while sitting comfortably on my couch while simultaneously watching the latest episode of Fringe. Can I pay attention to the episode and think about what I am typing... yes. Do I miss part of one or the other... maybe. Do I have the ability to concentrate on one thing at a time... I just don't know. I feel like my mind is working in over drive sometimes and the only way to keep it in check is to have background noise.

For eaxample, I can study or read a book and listen to music at the same time. In fact listening to music helps me concentrate. When I am coding script at work or trying to process emails I prefer to have some kind of music, if only to tune anything else out. I think it is the same way for people who work out. When I would go to the gym on a more regular basis I could turn on the music and go for two hours on the tread mill sometimes. Maybe more people can relate to that example rather then my others. And while we are on the subject of relating to this topic, my wife just doesn't get it. She doesn't understand and I don't think she can relate to the way my mind works.

So what am I supposed to do? I try and direct my attention energy into something good but sometimes i can see why or how it can be annoying. I think there are two kids of people in this world those that get it and those that don't, and she doesn't. And while we are on the subject of what she doesn't get, I don't think she gets me at all! I am in too science fiction, computers, and I love my work. When I try to talk to my wife about any of this that gets me excited she never is interested in anything I try and talk to her about. And it's not just my interest I think it's me. I think maybe there was a time she was in to me and loved me more but not anymore to be honest. I know why I married her and I know why I want to be with her I just don't believe she wants to be with me and ultimately I need someone who is interested in me as much as I am in to them. I need someone who doesn't make me feel like I am a annoyance in their life and always in their way. The seperation and eventual divorce would be painful but like any wound you sometimes have to open it to make it better.

Lately I think I have meet more girls who I feel give me more attention in the few minutes I talk to them then my wife does in a few days, and I live with her! Maybe I am just thinking that the new attention is better then what I have now and the grass is not always greenere on the other side. I get all that but when I graduated I felt like I had to force to go come to my commencement ceremony. Let's not even discuss how she treats my family. And by treat I mean doesn't interact with them. I can understand that you may not like my family but she doesn't even try to come to anything when I invite her so I usually end up with my family flying solo.

I just don't know but I am done for the night and tired...

Later

Posting from my phone! You think it's easy?

You think it is easy to update of write a entry from a phones keypad? um... no! So I'm keeping this short and maybe sweet. It's a Friday night and I sit at home with the wife. We just Chinese food from East China over off of brookpark and broadview, it's her favorite place for Chinese food and trust me we have tried more than a few.

Looks like I'm in for another weekend of studying for Microsoft Certification 70-291. I think I'm going to try hiding out at The Root Cafe in Lakewood. It seemed to work well for me last week and I think I'm making good progress with the study videos that a friend of mine let me use. If I continue to work on more certs he said I can continue to use the site. So between the Microsoft books I buy off amazon and anything I can find online and the videos in may just have a chance!

Other than that the wife is leaving for San Diego Sunday morning and i'll have the house to myself till Wednesday. So if your planning to show up in a raincoat at my side door naked that would be a good time! Just kidding.... maybe! Haha

Till next time....

Microsoft 70-291 Implementing, Managing, and Maintaining a Microsoft Windows Server 2003 Network Infrastructure

This test is going to be the bane of my existence and if I do not pass it this time I swear on all that is unholy it is all Bill Gates fault!

I have taken this damn test 4 times already.... let me repeat that FOUR GOD DAMN TIMES! And each time I get a different score. You would think I have no idea what DHCP and DNS and resource records are. Or that I don't know how to do IP Mathe or what CIDR notation is. I just don't know what to do anymore but keep studying until I feel I know this stuff backwards and forwards.

If I can ever past this test then my plan is for 70-284 next which will finally make me a Microsoft Certified Systems Administrator. Following which I am going to concentrate on my CompTIA Security+ exam and certification so I can be ready if the budget ever comes through at work for network security.

Which by the way if I have forgotten to mention I was officially hired full time for a hospital network in northeast Ohio where I am a Service Desk administrator Level II. What does that mean besides better pay and benefits? Basically that I work on a computer help desk and take calls from users who half the time can't remember there password. It gets annoying but I deffinitly know it is a stepping stone to something better with in the organization. So wish me luck as I have the test scheduled in less then two weeks ironically on my birthday. I guess I am hoping for good karma or something.

Alright back to the grind stone... oh and if you ever have any questions about certifications feel free to drop me some comments and I'll be happy to answer any questions you have.

Wow long time no write...

Let’s be honest if you have read of my latest adventures in Legacy of the Force you know what has been going on in my life and my family life. It's like the rebellion all over again and I feel 40 years younger. I sometimes forget what it is like to be in the trenches being an admiral and having to handle all the responsibilities that that entails.

But enough of that though.... in all seriousness though unless you’re a complete imbecile you know that this is only a real person online persona that I like to use to write about anything and everything I want to.

I’ll say this much I live in Northeast Ohio and I love it. Everything from the culture to the restaurants to the sports teams and the great rivalry that, that entails. Browns vs Steelers, well let’s face it that should really be stated Cleveland vs Pittsburgh. I mean that’s the big football rivalry but that about the only sport we come in direct contact with that I am aware of. I mean Pittsburgh’s baseball team as of late is entirely laughable not that the great Cleveland Indians are doing so hot but at least it does not take 8 pitchers to finish a game. But I do have to give credit where credit is due and then do have the Penns. My hat is off to them after winning the Stanley Cup. However to be clear I am not a big sports aficionado. I love my Cleveland Teams and get hurt ever year by the Tribe and the browns. I occasionally make it to a Monsters hockey game and like the fact that we have a couple minor league teams in the area that offer a great time with great ball parks including the Akron Aeros.

So I guess this post is too taut they greatness that NEO! I mean less face it with in an hour or two you can be in farm country and beautiful country side that is green and lush in the spring and beautiful and colorful in the fall. We have our share of snow in the winter but not so much that you truly have to hibernate to be safe. And we have our fair share of hot summers and by hot I mean humid! I can deal with spring, fall, and winter but I am desperate for AC in the summer when the temperature and humidity rise. I have learned to appreciate the changing season and learned to cope with the changing season. By cope, I mean the general depression that tends to come from the lack of daylight which in turn affects the serotonin in the brain. I have found to understand when my body or mind starts feeling the change and I already take medication to help cope also. Nevertheless you can take all the medication you want but if you do not know how accept life on life’s terms you are going to continue to be frustrated and unhappy.

With that I feel an end coming to this overdo post and I will give you something I found years ago in the third edition on page 449 or now found on page 417 in the 4th edition:

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life —unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake.

Acceptance says it all for me in coping with the change of the weather or just if someone annoys me. Now if I could only apply this to when I am driving, I may not come as close as I may have, getting into accidents! ;-)

I also have to say I dedicate this post to the pretty girl I met at the coffee shop the other day as she was nice enough to watch my stuff while I ran across the street to purchase something. Apon my return we proceeded to have a very fascinating conversation on slavery and religion and just her adventure in life and where she has been. I guess she got my brain thinking and brought me to writing a post. So thank you to the Silly Little Girl aka Kagu - Goddess, Princess, Kaguya, and Kagu-chan, my new acquaintance and possible future friend.