Just wondering....

If you stop by and see anything on this blog do you even read it? What brought you here? Were you Googleing for something else and happened upon my page? Well all I would simply ask is that if you happen upon my page and whether you read anything or not a comment would be nice as to how you happen to have gotten here.

If your a regular visitor??? Which to be honest I don't think I have unless they have found someway of covering there tracks. A comment now and then would be nice. It would at least show me that there are other people out there like me who are interested in the same things I am or like to hear about my misadventures.

Thanks

Death....

I think the title says a lot in itself. I recently lost a family member who was not part of my immediate family but still close enough. Her passing has not affected me emotionally and I am not sure it should have. She was my grandmother's sister and my grandmother passed away a few months ago. So death is not new to me, especially since I lost my Dad over 10 years ago. I'd be lying if I said that didn't effect me emotionally, in fact it changed my whole life and looking back on that time now it forced me to make some decisions with my life.

Now I am forced to make another tough decision and it's not as critical as death but it will almost believed as life changing and dramatic. I have to decide whether or not to stay married. Let make it perfectly clear that I love my wife and I married her because I love her. But recently things have been more difficult in our relationship then I believe they should be. I have tried to work then out with her but you can't make someone care about you as much as you care about them.

I've asked her why she married me and on more than one occasion she has said "because I was bored. " She has tried to explain it, to make it sound better then it does but the fact is she said she was bored. So I examine our relationship everyday trying to see if it is changing and I think it is. I just don't think she is as interested in me as I am in her or that she cares as much for me as I care for her.

I also have to be honest and say that I have also met women recently while at a coffee shop or grabbing a bite to eat while studying who have been more interested in me in those few minutes then my wife has been in weeks. And let it be said that this girls IMHO were gorgeous, just absolutely beautiful. And I am not saying that from a sexual perspective I am honestly saying it from a intelligence and form factor. They were not only physically stimulating but intellectually stimulating too. And maybe it was the "oh I am married" factor so I felt I had less to lose by putting myself out there or if they did not perceive me as a threat because I'm married. But I felt I could have asked them out to dinner and got a number and at least a date or two at the very least, before they saw the real me! :-P

The point is this all plays in to my thoughts on being married and if I should be married to this individual? Are there signs for me to decrypt here or am I seeing more then I would if I was in a better relationship?

Something to ponder...

Tattoos Barcodes and QR Codes.... oh my!

So I already have one tattoo and it is of a traditional AA symbol the circle and the triangle with a AA in the middle. The triangle is in the circle for those of you not familiar with it and spanning off of both sides are wings, as in the freedom that AA has shown me I can have if I stay sober each day. The best explanation of the circle and triangle I could find says this:

The Sobriety Circle & Triangle Symbol, is the symbol used by Alcoholics Anonymous. The equilateral triangle represents the three part answer - unity, recovery and service - to a three part disease - physical, mental and spiritual, while the circle represents wholeness or oneness.

The body should be triangular, stable, the mind circular, open. The triangle represents the means for generation of good energy, and is the most stable physical posture.

The circle symbolizes serenity and perfection, and the source of unlimited potential. Together they represent the perfect union of mind and body.

http://www.barefootsworld.net/aa-ctsymbol.html

Then underneath it I have a saying that I need to live by that is "Live and Let Live." And no for those of you who have actually seen it, I did not get that from The Postman starring Kevin Costner. I got it from AA where I found it says "Live and let live" reminds us that patience and tolerance of others is our code. But basically if you know anything about AA I think it basically means keeping my side of the street clean. I also found where someone wrote this regarding the saying,
"Judge not lest ye be judged. Do not look to criticize faults of others, always look for the good. God says Vengeance is mine - our role is to love one another." Any way I look at it I know I have to live my life the way I need to live it to stay sober and that acceptance is the key here. I cannot change anyone from who they are or for what they choose to do. I can think to myself why is this bothering me and how can I change myself!

Basically this tattoo has a lot of meaning for me and I always told myself if I got a tattoo it would have to have significance in my life. So in that I only have one tattoo so far and not because I cannot find anything of significance to get a tattoo about but that my wife has a disliking for them and she said if I ever got another one, well it was over. Well I want another one and let’s face it folks things are no smelling like roses on my side of the street right now.

So I am interested in a code tattoo, specifically a bar code or a QR code tattoo and I want to know if anyone has one? Also is it scannable? How long have you had one? Has it become harder to scan over time if it was even scannable in the first place? What information do you have stored in it if anything? Or does it just spit out nonsense?

I am in IT so I think QR codes or bar codes or any codes for that matter are becoming more and more prevalent in our lives. So if you have any answers to my questions by all means leave me a comment or point me in the right direction for some good answers.

Thanks

Later... I am off for pancakes! :)

Attention Deficit Disorder and mildly hyper active!

Attention Deficit Disorder... I haz it! I write this post while sitting comfortably on my couch while simultaneously watching the latest episode of Fringe. Can I pay attention to the episode and think about what I am typing... yes. Do I miss part of one or the other... maybe. Do I have the ability to concentrate on one thing at a time... I just don't know. I feel like my mind is working in over drive sometimes and the only way to keep it in check is to have background noise.

For eaxample, I can study or read a book and listen to music at the same time. In fact listening to music helps me concentrate. When I am coding script at work or trying to process emails I prefer to have some kind of music, if only to tune anything else out. I think it is the same way for people who work out. When I would go to the gym on a more regular basis I could turn on the music and go for two hours on the tread mill sometimes. Maybe more people can relate to that example rather then my others. And while we are on the subject of relating to this topic, my wife just doesn't get it. She doesn't understand and I don't think she can relate to the way my mind works.

So what am I supposed to do? I try and direct my attention energy into something good but sometimes i can see why or how it can be annoying. I think there are two kids of people in this world those that get it and those that don't, and she doesn't. And while we are on the subject of what she doesn't get, I don't think she gets me at all! I am in too science fiction, computers, and I love my work. When I try to talk to my wife about any of this that gets me excited she never is interested in anything I try and talk to her about. And it's not just my interest I think it's me. I think maybe there was a time she was in to me and loved me more but not anymore to be honest. I know why I married her and I know why I want to be with her I just don't believe she wants to be with me and ultimately I need someone who is interested in me as much as I am in to them. I need someone who doesn't make me feel like I am a annoyance in their life and always in their way. The seperation and eventual divorce would be painful but like any wound you sometimes have to open it to make it better.

Lately I think I have meet more girls who I feel give me more attention in the few minutes I talk to them then my wife does in a few days, and I live with her! Maybe I am just thinking that the new attention is better then what I have now and the grass is not always greenere on the other side. I get all that but when I graduated I felt like I had to force to go come to my commencement ceremony. Let's not even discuss how she treats my family. And by treat I mean doesn't interact with them. I can understand that you may not like my family but she doesn't even try to come to anything when I invite her so I usually end up with my family flying solo.

I just don't know but I am done for the night and tired...

Later