Death....

I think the title says a lot in itself. I recently lost a family member who was not part of my immediate family but still close enough. Her passing has not affected me emotionally and I am not sure it should have. She was my grandmother's sister and my grandmother passed away a few months ago. So death is not new to me, especially since I lost my Dad over 10 years ago. I'd be lying if I said that didn't effect me emotionally, in fact it changed my whole life and looking back on that time now it forced me to make some decisions with my life.

Now I am forced to make another tough decision and it's not as critical as death but it will almost believed as life changing and dramatic. I have to decide whether or not to stay married. Let make it perfectly clear that I love my wife and I married her because I love her. But recently things have been more difficult in our relationship then I believe they should be. I have tried to work then out with her but you can't make someone care about you as much as you care about them.

I've asked her why she married me and on more than one occasion she has said "because I was bored. " She has tried to explain it, to make it sound better then it does but the fact is she said she was bored. So I examine our relationship everyday trying to see if it is changing and I think it is. I just don't think she is as interested in me as I am in her or that she cares as much for me as I care for her.

I also have to be honest and say that I have also met women recently while at a coffee shop or grabbing a bite to eat while studying who have been more interested in me in those few minutes then my wife has been in weeks. And let it be said that this girls IMHO were gorgeous, just absolutely beautiful. And I am not saying that from a sexual perspective I am honestly saying it from a intelligence and form factor. They were not only physically stimulating but intellectually stimulating too. And maybe it was the "oh I am married" factor so I felt I had less to lose by putting myself out there or if they did not perceive me as a threat because I'm married. But I felt I could have asked them out to dinner and got a number and at least a date or two at the very least, before they saw the real me! :-P

The point is this all plays in to my thoughts on being married and if I should be married to this individual? Are there signs for me to decrypt here or am I seeing more then I would if I was in a better relationship?

Something to ponder...