Jerry Y Sedlecky
Thursday, April 24, 2008
I need to know...
Can I live the rest of my life with a woman who doesn't seem willing to accept that has issues, is willing to change those issues, and is also willing to accept me for who I am?
Who am I?
I am a thirty year old IT professional who will be graduating college in a year. I like video games, riding my bike, playing with toys, reading, and generally speaking acting like a kid when I don't have to handle adult responsibility! I mean is there anything wrong with having some fun once and a while? Is there something wrong with not wanting to act 30 years old all the time? Lets face it, I leave the house most days between 8 and 9am and do not return till almost 10pm some night. Do you think I want to come home and have to continue to be mature??? I mean maybe using mature in this context is wrong because it's not about maturity in my mind. It's about being silly and or fun if I even have the energy. I mean...
To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.
Don't get me wrong I am fully aware that Hamlet was talking about death/suicide and not about what I am talking about but I can relate. Not the fact that I think I am some kind of prince as he was but in the fact that can I or do I want to continue the way things are? Every day brings us closer to the wedding and then it could be forever or at least till a divorce? No I told myself if I ever got married it would be for the right reasons and I would not get divorced. But I feel the only way to do that is to talk to someone either both of us together or just her so she can understand her self better.
Till next time kids...
Who am I?
I am a thirty year old IT professional who will be graduating college in a year. I like video games, riding my bike, playing with toys, reading, and generally speaking acting like a kid when I don't have to handle adult responsibility! I mean is there anything wrong with having some fun once and a while? Is there something wrong with not wanting to act 30 years old all the time? Lets face it, I leave the house most days between 8 and 9am and do not return till almost 10pm some night. Do you think I want to come home and have to continue to be mature??? I mean maybe using mature in this context is wrong because it's not about maturity in my mind. It's about being silly and or fun if I even have the energy. I mean...
To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.
Don't get me wrong I am fully aware that Hamlet was talking about death/suicide and not about what I am talking about but I can relate. Not the fact that I think I am some kind of prince as he was but in the fact that can I or do I want to continue the way things are? Every day brings us closer to the wedding and then it could be forever or at least till a divorce? No I told myself if I ever got married it would be for the right reasons and I would not get divorced. But I feel the only way to do that is to talk to someone either both of us together or just her so she can understand her self better.
Till next time kids...
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
My life, my love, my happiness...
I know cheesy right? Hey but I feel the need to write about it. Simply put, my life and what is happening, my love for Tara, and my happiness, which as some might know rises and falls some days with my love which in effect rules my life.
Complicated and confusing sentence right? Well if it confuses you then your better off then I am because I think the thought of all that makes my life just a mess. Maybe mess is a strong word but it is definitely complicated. Lets face it I am trying to love with a woman who feels the need to hold a grudge aka having resentment. What I can't figure out is why she has to have all this resentment in her life. I learned years ago that holding on too any resentment is not good for anyone. If it happened in the past then SO BE IT, it's done, just move on from it. Live life and learn from it is what I say. I mean why should I be pissed off a day, week, month, year later because someone pissed in my pool? So I throw in a little chlorine and wham-o it's back to normal.
Ok so the situation is I ate the pizza Tara brought home Sunday. so instead of being a grown up about it and talking it over and being done with it and letting go she feels the need to be pissed and do other little things. Like move things without letting me know where she has moved them. I bought some jam and I went to make myself some toast this morning but could I find the jam where I put it... NO! So when I mention it to her she has to throw the pizza up as a issue. I told her I was sorry and of course no matter what I would do to try and correct the issue she would just take it as a slap in the face and be insulted. Of course I put the jam back where I originally put it, why? Because one, I feel it should be refrigerated but two because that is where I put it! Why does she feel the need to have everything her way in our house?
At least this is the way I am assuming everything to go in her head and you know where assuming gets everyone. So I also assume that she knows what she is doing and that she feels no other recourse in retaliation other then to react in such a manner.
I just wish she would go to some personal therapy or counseling at the least if not maybe we could do some couples counseling and work out our issues together. I mean I love her but if things continue this way I just don't see her sticking around, I see this ending badly, or maybe not badly but just ending. God knows I am in this for the long hall and can put up with a lot but what can she put up with is my question?
Ok I feel better and with that being said I am going to let go and let god deal with for now.
Remember...
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Complicated and confusing sentence right? Well if it confuses you then your better off then I am because I think the thought of all that makes my life just a mess. Maybe mess is a strong word but it is definitely complicated. Lets face it I am trying to love with a woman who feels the need to hold a grudge aka having resentment. What I can't figure out is why she has to have all this resentment in her life. I learned years ago that holding on too any resentment is not good for anyone. If it happened in the past then SO BE IT, it's done, just move on from it. Live life and learn from it is what I say. I mean why should I be pissed off a day, week, month, year later because someone pissed in my pool? So I throw in a little chlorine and wham-o it's back to normal.
Ok so the situation is I ate the pizza Tara brought home Sunday. so instead of being a grown up about it and talking it over and being done with it and letting go she feels the need to be pissed and do other little things. Like move things without letting me know where she has moved them. I bought some jam and I went to make myself some toast this morning but could I find the jam where I put it... NO! So when I mention it to her she has to throw the pizza up as a issue. I told her I was sorry and of course no matter what I would do to try and correct the issue she would just take it as a slap in the face and be insulted. Of course I put the jam back where I originally put it, why? Because one, I feel it should be refrigerated but two because that is where I put it! Why does she feel the need to have everything her way in our house?
At least this is the way I am assuming everything to go in her head and you know where assuming gets everyone. So I also assume that she knows what she is doing and that she feels no other recourse in retaliation other then to react in such a manner.
I just wish she would go to some personal therapy or counseling at the least if not maybe we could do some couples counseling and work out our issues together. I mean I love her but if things continue this way I just don't see her sticking around, I see this ending badly, or maybe not badly but just ending. God knows I am in this for the long hall and can put up with a lot but what can she put up with is my question?
Ok I feel better and with that being said I am going to let go and let god deal with for now.
Remember...
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
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