Lunch @ yours truly in the valley on a cold wet windy day is quite relaxing!

This is what I get for scamming wifi from my neighbor! BLAH

I just don't know how much more I can handle.

WHEN I ASK A FUCKING SIMPLE QUESTION I WOULD LIKE A SIMPLE FUCKING ANSWER! Is that so much to ask?

I am either @ the most ghetto ass IHOP or in the movie Girl Fight because thd waitress has a nice shiner!

The joys of mobile blogging!

So as I just stated I have found the joys of mobile blogging. So if you see a blog entry with no name you know it probably came from my cell phone because I was bored and wanted to blog! :-)

On a side note I am still about two seconds away from tweaking off and breaking someone or something!

Have a nice day! ;-)

I turned the light on because I wanted it on! And I know how to turn the heat down before I leave!

My 1st mobile blog... Jeez i should be im bed!

Wow...

It's amazing, I made it through the day with out tweaking and snapping anyone over my leg! I hope the meds will continue to put me back on track. I think I am going to dose myself before I go to bed to kinda get a little more in my system. Hopefully it will catch up sooner then later and I can quit snapping at T. She has thought that for the last two weeks it was something she was doing when in reality it was just my dumb ass move not taking my meds! Ok enough for now I am off to bed. And on a good night I got my new hard drive installed but I still have a lot of work to get my laptop up and running as it once was. hopefully everything should be moved over from the external drive by tomorrow when I get to work with out any problems. then I can run the F.A.S.T. back on to my computer again.

Night All...

Happy FUCKING New year!

Yea it is a good thing I started my meds again because i think I might have to snap someone over my knee today!

Have a nice day! :-)

Why is it always about her?

SO... I just got home from a friends house after a very nice Christmas celebration, all be it a late one, but now the less we passed out Christmas presents to each other and had dinner and watched some football and a movie. But for some reason at some point we had to turn the day into a big discussion about mine and my girlfriends relationship. Do not get me wrong I have no problem discussing my feelings or how I think about my relationship, in fact I think it makes a relationship stronger by getting everything out in the open with each other. I will admit that for whatever reason I have been in a generally bad mood for most of the day which started with me waking up later then expected. Which I think is what put my significant other, whom I say hence for refer to as T, in a bad mood because she wanted to be at our friends house by noon.
My thinking is planning on sleeping and just doing it can be entirely two different things. If you "plan" on a nap then whats the use. I would rather fall asleep in the couch, knowing I might, watching TV then decide "Hey I MIGHT be sleepy why not lay on my bed and FORCE myself to nap!" Which is the same with a good nights sleep, a good nights sleep in my opinion does not come with a alarm clock and going to bed on time. It comes with going to bed when you feel you are tired and waking up when you finally wake up, which is what happened this morning. But I didn't wake up till she finally wrapped on my door at ten minutes to noon. Then presided to be in a bad mood because once again I was running late. WHO CARES??? We were doing something casual with some friends but yet it was HER plan to be there at noon. So why couldn't she wrapped on my door at like eleven?... She says it is because I say I would make sure to be ready by that time. And yes I would have been if I was awake but I over slept, it happens. yet instead of her saying anything to the fact and getting it out she lets it sit inside her and be a big deal and effect her mood the rest of the day. Which of course effects my mood when she is in a bad mood.
I know anyone who might be reading this has no idea about the rest of my relationship or anything that has happened in the past. But T got her mood today because I am supposedly know for being late. She has this idea that I am always late for everything that is planned. Where in my opinion it is not about being late it is about what the event is. Did we need to be there by 12? In my opinion, no. Did she want to be there by 12? Yes, whole heartedly! Could she have done something about it to make it there on time? YES, wake me up in enough time to leave when you want to. she claims she is not responsible for me but yet when we are late because of that thinking it is my fault entirely! When in my opinion it just as much her fault as it is mine.
She says she knows she has problems, as in issues, I mean like control issues. But yet she goes on doing the same thing day in and day out without changing. And lets face it she is selfish, she will always think of her self and her comfort before mine. I think it is because she is afraid of getting burned and because as she has plainly put it afraid to give a inch because when that inch is given that person she is giving it to will take a mile. But all I ask is that she understand that I am not looking for a mile or even a inch most of the time. I am just looking for enough love and affection so that it does not seem like I am the one that is giving everything in the relationship. I know she has been unhappy lately but I don't think it is entirly my fault either! I think it is partly because her willingness to give all of herself in the relationship and that change is hard to accept especially when it is personal self growth change.
Please don't get me wrong I am not pointing any fingers and saying I have nothing to do with this in the least. But when I am saying is that I can only do so much on my own. I need her to "come half way" as she puts it. Most of the time I willing to give 100% and think nothing of it but their our times when it does feel like it is her above or before me.

At this point I am just rambling and yes I have tried discussing my feelings with T but I am not clear of any of my talking is going to do anything. I need her to have a willingness to listen and a willingness to change for me, for herself.

Goodnight.

Ahh the call of the video game.

So it is NYE and I am about to get set to sit down to some good video game play for about a hour and then we are off to Johnny Mango's for dinner, hopefully, if they are open!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Later

Real Life Sucks...

I am off to see my insurance agent this morning to get my ducks in a row, so to speak. I am going to have my fiance made my primary beneficiary of my life insurance policy. I mean seriously, what am I going to do with it, I am dead! lol Plus I trust that no matter what she will be responsibility enough to do with it what I would want and make sure everyone in my life, including herself, is taken care of as good as possible. I am also going to talk to him about possibly rolling over some old investments from a past employment.

Well I am off...

Later

May The Force Be With You.

Ok so this is my first post, as if you can not tell. So if you are reading this post you one of a very select few because I have not yet decided how public I would like to make this blog. If you can not already tell I am big on Sci Fi and if you know what a Systems Admin is you will know that I work with computers in real life! ;-)

As far as anything else goes I have to say I have no idea! I hopefully with have my bachelors degree in business, majoring in Information Systems technology and minoring in Computer Information Science, by the end of Spring semester 2009. And I also just started my dream job a couple months ago as a low entry level systems admin. I was formerly a Help Desk Technician taking phone calls from users with in our company. Due to some office politics and a what I could simple put as a grumpy old man I was offered a new position and swept it up pretty quickly. It's great I have a lot of responsibility and only have to deal with users once in a blue moon, which when I do I actually look forward to.

I am also getting married in less then a year, October to be precise, to a beautiful women who has all of my heart and devotion. I sometimes just wish she would realize that when I tell her this and tell her I Love Her that I mean it. I understand that she is more about herself then I would like her to be and by that I do mean selfish. I know it is a little harsh to say but I feel the need to document my feelings about how I feel about this relationship sooner then later. I guess so that in the end, if there is a end, and by that I mean a parting of company between me and her, that I have something to look back on and tell myself once that I told you so. Also so that when in the infinity of life if she happens to pass before I do I can look back and remember a time when I thought differently. I mean I want her to learn and see herself in her own light and adjust but I do no want to force her to change. The good thing is, is that she realizes her flaws such as her inability to accept a person place or thing for exactly what it is. Or the fact that she has control issues and can not handle life unless it is more her way then not.

Well I am off to the far reaches of space in my X Wing to bring peace, justice, and a effective way of existence to another computer.

Adventures to be continued...

BTW... if you read this how about a simple comment that says "Hey" or "Hi" or "You Are a Idiot" or "You Suck", either way it's a comment and know someone is out there reading.